growth < resilience

back in school days, you might have a fight with a friend but unable to skip school days because you have exams to attend. then you get a lil bit older, you might experience tantrum and mental breakdown at the same time but unable to skip the day because you have meetings lining up.

sounds familiar? then i bet you must have grown up.

today as i surf along my instagram feed, all i see are secret santa and its christmas hampers, decorated pine trees, weddings, engagements, promotions, omicron, anything you name it, because i bet they might have been around your recent news lately too.

it is only one week away to 2022. facing 365 days might sound very long in the beginning but surprisingly fast when living in it. so i guess it will be the same thing for 2022. imagine how many days you have lived on this planet earth, and how many experiences you have achieved all this time. it’s infinity and you will keep going.

i was a kid when i heard the word “growth”, i only understood this as a number of age, “i am 8 years old today, and next year i will turn to 9”. then i grew a little bit older as a teenager listening to taylor swift’s song “Never Grow Up”, i thought it was still about age but with a twist of romance and how the age gap could also affect a relationship. the notion of growth got more complicated and compelling time to time because as i grow older, i have become more exposed to more experiences and theories about the idea of growth.

i started to understand the idea of growing up is not only about paying bills, finding stable jobs, buying property, getting married, and stuffs, it is more than just surviving technically. i have experienced several mental breakdowns in 2021, trust me, besides creating tiktok videos, and happy stories on instagram, i have those moments too and i had to be resilient so i can get back on track.

resilience. that’s my most favorite word and i realized, it has a lot of things to do with growing up.

in my elementary school days, a classmate once unreasonably yelled at me telling me that i was unable to sing in a choir, i was unable to escape because it was meant for the choir competition. then in the life after university days, i break up with my long term partner, i am emotionally drained and got big puffy eyes from crying all night, but i am unable to have mental breakdown in the following day because i have a big presentation in the next day.

that’s what i call being resilient as a part of growth. when i was a baby, when something bothering happens, i might just freely cry out loud because i had no responsibility and all i wanted was just comfort from my mom. but then i went to school as a teenager, i started to hide those tears because i didn’t want anyone to ask around and i just wanted to deal with it myself. and then i got older and older, more challenges that might collide in one time because i have bigger responsibilities, when my mom asked, “are you okay?”, i might just answer, “i am fine” and smiled away.

resilience naturally grows in ourselves, i started to manage my resilience by accepting things that happens around me, knowing that everything happens for a reason, people come and go to give me lessons, so eventually i can recognize and value my worth. because it’s not about what happens, it’s about what i respond to what happens. it doesn’t mean that i cannot cry and confide in with someone, it is about managing what’s worth crying over and what’s not, because in the end, someone who can salvage me is myself. if i am able to make myself in tears, then i have to be able to make myself have the tears of joy also.

and that’s the thing about growth that i know until today.

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